Ryan and I were eating a dinner at a downtown restaurant yesterday (I am on Fall Break and Ryan took a week of vacation!) and our booth faced the street. Before we had even ordered, I noticed a man on the street who had planted himself outside of our restaurant and was approaching every single pedestrian who walked by. His eyes wandered "up and down" each person as they came near him---assessing their material worth, I assumed. I was becoming more and more irritated as I wondered what I would say to him as we came out (Ryan is a master at talking with panhandlers!) and irritated that he would be bothering people as he was. After eating, we headed out and were approached by a well mannered SHOE SHINER who wished us a good evening after we said that we weren't interested in the $1 shoe shine. No wonder he was looking people "up and down"--he was checking for shoes AND was trying to make an honest wage. I felt ashamed...
Today as I was planting flowers outside, a man who said that he was homeless asked if I could go inside and fix him a sandwich. My gut told me that he was not homeless (no entourage of belongings and most of the homeless that I've met don't "volunteer" that information), so I just said, "well...I'm sorry" and he walked off. All day today, I have grieved over my response. If it was a woman, a child, or one of the regular homeless in our neighborhood would my response have been different? Was I wrong? Why was I so uncomfortable and so unprepared to answer him? Was it lack of faith that God would protect me if he had tried to take advantage of me? Was it lack of compassion? Was it selfishness? All I know is that I feel really inadequate/unsure sometimes...and today was one of those days.
Father, "I believe; help my unbelief!" Mk 9:24
No comments:
Post a Comment